Intimate Relationship – Rupture & Repair

25 - 31 August 2020

  An intimate relationship is never static. There’s a living connection between the partners which changes constantly, shifting from an attuned flow of love and reciprocity one moment, to cold indifference or outright hostility in the next. These interruptions in the flow of love and respect are ruptures in the relational field which need to be repaired as soon as possible.

  This retreat is about learning to recognise sooner what happens in this painful loss of connection – learning the cues (in our nervous systems, our defence structures, our thinking and our emotions) that indicate when a rupture has occurred. It’s about a willingness to come closer to ourselves, to wake up to our own patterns of behaviour, recognising and owning the ways we manipulate, judge, blame and use our partners to get what we want. It’s about admitting when we regress and act out childish projections with our beloveds, and seeing how expert we are at shutting them down – even though we may be longing for them to be more open!

 We’ll explore the couple dynamic, the tendencies and ways in which the two of you polarise, and become entrenched in opposition to each other. We’ll work with this as an interconnected relational system in which both sides are involved. (eg One may tend to take all the blame while the other projects it all out; this would need to be seen and addressed so that, in time, the blamer can own their part in the difficulty, and the 'blamed' can start to hold their authority, draw boundaries and have more self-respect.)

 This work takes courage to face into parts of ourselves we’d often rather not acknowledge. It means facing into our shame and taking responsibility for our reactivity, our projections, and the ways we blame our partner, playing victim to make them feel guilty, or withholding our love and our sex to punish them. Once these behaviours are honestly and nakedly admitted, the field becomes safer; the cycle of reactivity can ease; signals of warmth and compassion start to flow and the relational bridge is restored.

This 6 day retreat is, as always, based on a ground of Presence; and it will work on many levels – nervous system / psychological structures / attachment styles / body / heart / communication. All of these can be explored, supported and opened in the process of repairing relationship.


Fully Residential at Droridge Barn, Dartington, Devon


6pm Tuesday 25th - 5pm Monday 31st August 2020 (six days)


Fixed payment £225 / £260 per person (depending on room). We will offer two half-price bursary places - please apply to Caroline if interested.

Suggested Donation   (PLEASE NOTE that this is different from how we usually do donations - there will be one amount which will cover the retreat itself, plus an extra amount for any extra sessions you have with us.)

£300 per person (or something between £180 and £420 per person). This covers whole group sessions each morning and evening as well as one couple session with either Fanny or Colin.

In addition, extra individual or couple sessions may be arranged with Fanny and/or Colin during the afternoon. We will ask for donations for these sessions at our usual hourly rates (£45 per session or something between £30 and £60 per session).